Fight the squirters

My portafilter is naked.

Yes naked. That means, instead of having spouts to easily, and cleanly dispense espresso to my demitasse, I removed the spouts... using a hole saw and power drill. This allows me, the operator, to witness first hand the espresso gently fall into the demitasse. It should look like a funnel of golden-brown, thick, viscous liquid flowing down. A vortex of pure, unadulterated, liquid form of deliciousness.

Lately it has looked like a brown, watery, thin rain fall down from the basket, with random squirts of this stuff shooting in random directions, usually all over the espresso machine. Overall, making just a huge mess. I've watched this disaster everyday over the last 4 or 5 days in disgust as a cup of crema-less, "espresso" (at this point I use the term loosely) is formed. I am used to consuming a delicious, amber-colored, thick treat with a "head" of crema on it like beer, and a complex flavor of fruits and spices like a fine wine.

What I got was unfortunately, very disgusting.

If I made coffee for a living and was producing this swill for customers, I would have to resort to Hari Kari in shame. I am enough of a man to drink it at home until I solved the problem for now though (I am cheap and HATE throwing away food).

My problem strangely enough was my pump's suction tube being pulled down too far in the reservoir. It didn't allow a static head of water to sit on the suction side of the pump, supplying insufficient net positive suction head to the pump when running. This caused SEVERE pressure pulsations on the discharge end of the pump due to cavitation and caused the random spraying of espresso-swill all over my coffee command center.

I repositioned the tube, and on the next shot, pulled a mighty fine serving of the drink I have come to know and love in the morning. I must have just misaligned the tube the last time I pulled the reservoir to clean it.

All is well in my kitchen now. As for the squirters? Vanquished!

-Friendly neighborhood coffeegeek